Second Romances
by Delicious Mud Pie
Summary: Romances I wrote as fast as I could. AAML, BAML, and now a hot and steamy JAJL
1. AAML

5 Second Romances

**5 Second Romances**

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**#1: AAML**

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****One day the water in the river was sparkling clear and the grass was bright bright green and there were pidgeys and such flying around aimlessly in the air. Sometimes they crashed into each other--but let's ignore that, shall we?

Ash sat on his haunches greedily watching whatever sort of food Brock was making being made in a pan.

"Looks good, Brock," Ash grinned.

Brock's face began to twitch, and he suddenly grabbed Ash around the neck.

"Cooking is all I ever do!" he shouted, "damnit, I'm good for more than this! I'm sorry you guys, but James and Pikachu I are going to Broadway to star in big, famous musicals!"

And with that Brock, James and Pikachu skipped away from Ash and Misty, conveniently never to be seen again.

Ash wandered over to Misty's tent to ask her to finish cooking the food, when he heard her shouting something in her tent.

"Oh, Ash Ketchum," she said dreamily, "how do I love thee? Let me count the ways."

_Me? _Ash blinked. _She loves me?_

__"One one thousand! Two one thousand! Three--"

_Wow,_ Ash blinked. _I never thought about her in that way. I guess she is pretty hot! But how can I tell her? She'll know I was spying on her?'Twas quite the pleasant surprise to find that the lady liketh me, but only if I could devise a clever plan in which to tell her that I feel the same way! Oh yes, Misty, dive into my arms! My heart flutters as I watch you bounce on that sleeping bag, shouting out the thousands in which you adore me! Be still, my beating heart, be still!_

__"Who's there?" Misty suddenly stopped counting as the rumble of Ash's insatiable stomach somehow superceeded the sound of her enraptured shouting. "Is it you, Ash? Is it you? Oh Ash, how I musn't let you know that every time my heart beats it pumps blood through my spry pre-pubescent veins soley for your benefit!"

Ash ran back to the pot of now-burning water and stared vapidly at its contents.

"Hey Ash," Misty asked as she peered out of her tent innocently, "where's Brock?"

"He ran away to be in Broadway musicals," Ash sighed. "Now we have no slave to cook for us."

"Be damned the cooking slave," Misty rubbed her palms together.

"What was that?" Ash raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing," Misty laughed girlishly and nervously. _Now there's nothing stopping me from having my way with Ash!_

_Something was stopping you before? _Ash thought.

_Keep out of my thoughts, you! _Misty stamped her foot.

_Sorry,_ Ash cowered.

Ash attempted to cook the food, and Misty stared at him all the while, blood rushing to her cheeks and making them pink and rosy.

"Ouch!" Ash shouted as he stuck his hand into the boiling vat of water, bringing back a reddened and throbbing mass of fingers and palm.

"Oh, Ash!" Misty shouted. "We've got to get you to a pokecenter right away!"

"Not a hospital?" Ash blinked.

"No," Misty's chest heaved in her worry, "I'm sure sticking you in that machine will heal you much faster!"

Misty leaned over to Ash, looking at his hand ever so gingerly.

"I might not make it, Misty," Ash gulped.

"Ash," Misty gulped too. Damned saliva. "There's something I have to tell you. That I need to tell you. Before you--"

But it was too late. Ash had already gone into cardiac arrest.

"Nooooooooo!" Misty shouted, then began making out with his cadaver furiously. "I never got to tell you that I love you!"

However, Ash's spirit rose from his body before her.

"Ash!" Misty shouted, drying her tears.

"It is me, Misty," Ash stated the obvious. "I love you too. And never, ever eat at McDonalds. Okay?"

"All right," Misty perked up. "I won't."

**The End**


	2. BAML

#2 BAML

**#2 BAML**

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****Misty walked up behind Ash, wringing her hands nervously.

"How can I tell him?" her bottom lip quivered. "What if he rejects me?"

She then looked over to Ash.

"Ah, what the hell," she shrugged, "I'll tell him."

Misty ran up to Ash, waving her hands around in a giddy, school-girlish way. It was night, of course, and there was a camp fire and tents and Brock was cooking something and togepi was in a knothole or something and all that rot.

"Oh Ash," Misty shook nervously as she leaned in to tell him something. "I like you."

"I like you too, Misty," Ash grinned cheerily, then continued to look into the fire.

"You do!" Misty squealed with joy, then grabbed Ash, shoving his head into her lap and smoothing the hair on his head, "ohhhhh, what beautiful children we shall have! Oh darling, how many children do you want?"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Ash screamed and escaped Misty's clutches, "hold on there, why is the stork giving us children?"

"Oh Ash," Misty giggled delicately, "you silly, silly meatloaf, we're going to have children the old fashioned way! Now come back to my tent, my biological clock it ticking!"

"Misty," Ash leapt over the fire to escape her, "I'm not ready for that sort of commitment! Sorry!"

Misty looked at Ash, crestfallen. She began to weep and ran off.

"Now look what you've done," Ash shook his head at Brock.

"Quiet dillhole," Brock ordered, "I'll fix this!"

He then ran in the direction that Misty ran off in.

Trees were in all directions. Because they were in a forest. At the end of the forest, tho, was a cliff. And Misty was gonna jump off of it.

"Misty!" Brock shouted. "Don't jump!"

"And why not," Misty sniffled, "I am unloved!"

"I LOVE YOU!" Brock shouted, then ran into Misty's arms. They began to make out, rolling around in the grass like mad lovers.

Until they rolled off the cliff.

"Damn," Ash sighed as he watched them fall. "Now I'll never get to eat dinner!"


	3. JAJL

**#3 JAJL**

James sighed in abject dejection as he and Jesse soared through the air once again, the land below them becoming smaller and smaller, and a nest of Beedrill on a random deserted island growing nearer and nearer. His eyes welled with tears as he thought about how he couldn't protect his sweet, darling, beloved Jesse from the hideous onslaught of a thousand stings that they were fated to receive. If only he could take them all, and she could sit in a tiny bikini on the beach, sipping a Cosmopolitan, her white milky skin shining in the sun, her fragile spirit unexposed to the horrors of being blasted off constantly.

James wallowed in his red hot burning man desire to tell Jesse of his feelings—the feelings he had harbored ever since he laid eyes on the stunning red haired beauty before him—ever since that day when he told all the other Team Rocket members to shut up as they mercilessly chanted "fire crotch" at her—poor Jesse.

They finally landed in the tree after what seemed like hours. They began to run from the Beedrill, but could not run faster than the hideous flying pokemon. Jesse tripped over a rock and fell, and James turned around to stand in front of her.

"I will protect you!" James yelled, and stood with his arms in front of him, in front of Jesse, not allowing the Beedrill to ravage her.

James stood bravely, not faltering as his rippling muscles were torn apart by the Beedrill's razor sharp stingers. As he fell, the Beedrill got bored and went off to make some honey—but it was too late for poor James. Blood dripped from holes all over his body, and a single tendril of blood leaked from his soft, coral lips.

"Noooo!" Jesse shouted, as she lifted James into her arms, pressing her lips to his. "I should have told you that I loved you before this happened! I should have expressed my feelings to you—oh all the times I've tried, oh all the times I got near you yet was unable to articulate my thoughts which ran thick with all the love a girl could harbor—oh why couldn't it be me to die!"

"Jesse, I'm still alive—hospital—please—" James coughed.

"WHYYYYYYYYYY!" Jesse screamed, pumping her fists in the air, tears streaming down her face. "WHY JAMES, WHY!!!!"

"Jesse, I love you too, please, I see a pokecenter over there, get help—"

"Oh James! What will I ever do without you? Oh if I could only we could have left Team Rocket, gotten real jobs, borne beautiful children, led wonderful lives—"

James looked up into the azure, innocent, large, shimmering, dewy, tear-filled eyes of Jesse and grasped her hand one last time before his painful death. "If only I actually was gay. Goodbye."

Upon James' last soulful breath, Jesse ran and ran and ran, without stopping. She was soon tragically hit by a car. And also tragically, they could never be together in the afterlife, because James went to heaven and Jesse went to hell. But James vowed to rescue Jesse from hell, and made a difficult journey into Satan's bowels, battled and defeated him, and then ruled hell himself, turning it into a shopping mall for the damned. Thus Jesse and James lived happily in hell with all sorts of demons at their command.


End file.
